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Become a "YES" person!

  • JJ Parker 6.14.24

As people with free will, it isn't very easy to accept help. We have a stubborn "I can do it" kind of nature inherently built inside us upon birth. This is not a bad thing. This got us through multiple Earth changing revolutions and creations. The thing about this stubbornness is that it can handcuff you to a certain way of living or thinking, leaving other opportunities out in the cold.

I am one who has the "I can do it" mentality. It has always been hard for me to ask for and take on help in a multitude of arenas in my life. When Beth was diagnosed with cancer, i heard from many people that I am going to need to take care of me while I take care of her. I did the obligatory nod and mumbled agreement and then whisked it away from my everyday thinking knowing I can handle it. I appreciated all of the sentiments of course, but...I can do it.

Most caregivers are going to fall into this lot of people. At first, we absolutely CAN and ARE doing it! Yay us! Then the first few weeks pass and the shit really starts to hit the fan. Which doctor are we seeing today? Did the labs come back yet? Wait...we have to eat dinner too? It all slams onto you at once and in my case, I felt like I was drowning due to too much air...because of too much to do.

I finally allowed myself to become the "yes..I'd love some help" guy. My wonderful friend and neighbor set up a food train that gave us multiple delicious meals that lasted for a few days each. That was an amazing weight lifted off my shoulders. After Beths double mastectomy, I invited her sister in law and her mom over for a visit. The men of the family cam as well and once they all showed up and I flew the coop. I took a few hours to just be me again. Head to a local bar, watch a ballgame, slug a beer or two, and not think about cancer or what we have to deal with tomorrow.

Take the time to let those that want to help help you. It's funny...when Beth came out with her diagnosis a ton of people wanted to help in any way possible. I thought it was a kind act to say so, but that it didn't have much weight to it. Boy was I wrong. In this type of situation people really do want to help. So let them!! You absolutely cannot do this on your own if you want to be a top caregiver for your person. They need the best of you, and you need to get help to keep the best of you available at all times. Just say yes!

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